Conflict On Hand
She couldn’t stay seated in her chair, she needed to pace as she talked to me to burn off annoyance. This fiery red haired CEO handled almost anything that came her way and made it look easy. Except when it came to her sister. Suddenly she was a combative teenager, simmering with sibling rage.
'“WHY WON’T SHE ENGAGE WITH ME”, she fumed. “She shuts me down and runs away, over and over again. She’s done that my whole life and I’m so sick of it.” Once again, I marveled at the magic of timing. “Let’s look at your hands, there may be some help for you", I offered, since that was why I was in her office. She agreed, after she grabbed another mug of tea to calm her down.
Her Heart Line revealed a far reaching visionary explorer, no surprise on this entrepreneurial firecracker. We talked about her emotional settings that went with her Heart Line. Then I explained her risk tolerance and actions revealed by her Head Line. The combination of Fire Heart and Air Head meant she was combustible who was energized by the unknown rather than nervous or resistant. Her high set pinky finger showed confidence to spare in her ideas and ability to speak publicly. Quite the combination on hand. Her fire could warm and illuminate or it could burn. She nodded her head, deep in thought as I walked her through strengths and blind spots.
When I asked if she wanted to use some of her time to have me read her sister’s hands, she jumped into action. The words had barely left my lips and she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of her office and down the hall. Since her sister was the COO, the business would benefit if the two of them could collaborate with more ease. She wanted any solution tried immediately. I could see why their company was knocking over competitors on the rapid rise to the top.
It took all of 10 seconds to see the first problem emerge. But in order to proceed I needed quiet space with the COO. So I shooed the CEO out and sat down slowly with her sister. Her Earth Heart Line revealed that she was someone who needed time and space to process what she felt or needed. Pauses were as necessary as air for her. She was the builder behind the visionary eyes her sister lead with, and she could made the visionary view real and organized.
She too had the Air Head Line, but in the practical solutions area, where her sister’s ended higher up in the exploratory and theoretical break throughs. One could identify new pathways, the other could sense and direct structure to support getting from where they were to where her sister could see. It was actually quite dazzling, such a brilliant pairing of complementary strengths. Now, how to share that with the two of them…. that was the opportunity.
It felt right to go back to the source first. So I thanked the COO and gave her a few tips about how to body check what she felt when overwhelm kicked during disagreements. With a couple of strong reassuring notes that she could process much faster when she took those necessary pauses, she exhaled and actually smiled bashfully at me. It’s vulnerable to be seen by a stranger and I wanted to honor that my conversation. My goal was to share what was constructive to help them communicate better.
So I zipped back down the hall to find the the mini tornado that was busy setting up a possible acquisition to their sales force. The few minutes it took for her to wrap up the logistics of her next call were perfect for me to process what I wanted to share.
“Well,” she asked hopefully, leaning in for an answer. I pointed to the Heart Line on her hand. “Notice how your line ends up under your pointer finger almost to the top of your palm?” She nodded and cocked her head waiting for what that had to do with anything.
“When someone’s Heart Line curves up towards the fingers it means you bring down your anxiety by expressing what you feel and want. Does that sound right?” An emphatic Yes exploded out of her. “The next time you see your sister’s hand, notice the flat structure of her Heart Line. It actually is the opposite of you and it brings UP her anxiety to express what she feels, especially on the spot. She needs time to organize and structure it so that she can include what’s important.”
The CEO’s eyebrows went up. “Wait, you mean she’s not doing that to piss me off and get the upper hand?” Her head reared back and her eyes drilled me.
“Nope, not at all. In fact start looking at the hands of those in your company who are more reserved and less likely to speak up. You’ll find their Heart Lines are probably short and straight for the most part, too. It’s not a power struggle at all. But isn’t it interesting that between siblings, it’s natural to have a little rivalry quality to your disagreements. It drops into almost a survival mentality that triggers safety issues.
I could almost hear gears grinding at lightning speed as she mentally made a note of who’s hands to check first. She had been convinced her sister resented her being the leader so she would slow down simply to feel in charge. Once she accepted that her premise for frustration was at least half the problem, it put her back in the driver’s seat.
Being in charge was clearly her sweet spot and while she hated to be wrong, she loved where it gave her a path forward. It was her opportunity to lead them out of the power struggle and into constructive dialogue. “Anything that helps move us off this current stalemate is of interest. How do I handle it then when I need to express what I feel?”
“Great question,” I said, “because this isn’t about you muzzling yourself. Rather you want to find someone to run through your frustrations who can listen, validate and maybe even argue back a bit. Check your CFO’s hands or find someone in the Young President’s Organization that can mentor or hear you,” I offered. “You get to process that vision and all the fire that goes with it. You will understand it better as you talk it through.
Not everyone is going to think at your level, because you are the Visionary Explorer”, I reinforced where she stood in any dialogue. “You need to find those who can hear it and not shut it down immediately. Then once your emotions, excitement and curiosity start to level off, you can take it to your sister who is a gifted at structural innovation.
If you let go of thinking it’s a power struggle you can get so much farther when you do speak. I guarantee you will find her more engaging, when you let her process and bring you back what will work. She can and does like refining the ideas with you.
She doesn’t want to be put on the spot for immediate answers. You may be surprised at where she can constructively argue with you once you let her think things through. Those may be just what you need to perfect the process that has both vision and viability.” She cocked her head, very interested in that image playing in her head as I spoke.
“The more she trusts you can accept her communication style and work with it, the less time those pauses will take. She and you both can adapt. And, there’s a report card for you both. Because when you change how you think and feel, then pair it with changed actions, that change of mind can change your lines. In her case, there is a lot of growth when she knows she is seen and heard for where she starts. As the one who’s out in front, you need to know that she can play at your level, just with a different style, with a little patience and redirect from you. As a CEO, you know the value of good return on investment and this is one that will help both your business and personal life.”
For the first time since I walked in to her office earlier, she relaxed in her chair chewing on what I offered. She was even nodding slightly as she rehearsed scenarios in her mind. We chatted for a bit longer as I taught her basics of how to tell at a glance who was an internal processor versus someone who needed to talk it through.
I impressed on her to check in on the stories she had about why her sister behaved as she did. When we hip check the automatic story about it, we have more power to take in what is actually there.
“Curiosity will give you more results, faster and better ones, too.” She leaned in when I spoke of results. Something that her hands clearly outlined as a priority. I was playing to her impatience so that her strengths could pull up those weaknesses, rather than trying to correct the issue.
All in all, it felt like a good day to do what I loved. I walked out the door, glad I left the corporate world for the one I lived in now. Visiting corporate, doing what clearly can help bring people together for good is just the thing to give a girl an appetite. I was off to find a celebratory meal.
Lisa Greenfield
TruthinHand.com
Thank you for tuning in for my launch on Substack. What a fun excuse to talk hands, share stories and events for you. It’s likely you will hear from me a couple times a month. There will be live events, specials, classes and more fun with hands. I’d love to have you join.
In fact, one fun event is a live show tomorrow with Kathy Biehl, one of my favorite colleagues. Tune in here: https://omtimes.com/iom/ Monday 10/2 at 2pm pacific, 5pm Eastern.
If you like to geek out with me on stuff like this, by all means feel free to share it with others. The more the merrier, talking hands, conflict and how to change your mind and change your lines. We are always just one conversation away from a better connection.
Wishing you well, always.
